Rumour Has Its

Walking up to the Mike, jangling his pockets, which are full of loose change, the Monkhouse unleashes the scattergun of rumour-has-its:

(1) Dick Cheney was seen chatting up a Haggis on Burns Night.

(2) Nancy Allbright just slipped into the office cupboard with Dieterling.

(Cut to Allbright: scowling)

(3) Tony Blair has been keeping prosthesis of his rictus grin in Doctor Dino’s medicine chest. Doctor Dino is seriously worried now that Tony is having retirement hoisted upon him.

(4) Nancy just found out Dieterling wears a toupee.

(Cut to Dieterling: looking awkward)

(5) A jet-packer was seen flying over the city of Angels. The Angelinos have been busy tattooing the fellow to their forearms. Homeboy sez “dem Angelinos is full of shit, man”

(6) Dieterling just found out Nancy is not wearing a brassiere.

(Allbright: scowling. Dieterling: awkward)