Lebooty crimes

Those Sheikh crimes in brief (and as enumerated by the Cricketers’ Commission):

(1) profiteering
(2) qat smuggling
(3) masterminding kidnap of respected Semiotician
(4) providing logistical assistance to the known nine eleven conspirators
(5) propagating theories unfavourable to the media consensus i.e. Peak Oil, Mars Attacks, and Fourth Plane Theory
(6) traffic in bogus artefacts i.e. skeletons of Nephilim, BigFoot charms, Mothman videos, Ica stones, Syd Barrett bootlegs
(7) stealing of black box
(8) bankrolling of Jihadis
(9) aiding and abetting of Mad Mullah Mustafa
(10) dissemination of incendiary Mustafa literature
(11) sponsorship of Mustafa’s old Madrassa
(12) logistical assistance to Jihad Boot Camp, including supplies of mate and qat
(13) traffic in imitation Klucker Hoods
(14) traffic in stolen/counterfeit passports
(15) possession of disguises i.e. shades and false beards
(16) narco-trafficking
(17) bigamy
(18) performing without a theatrical license